Monday, February 07, 2011

I'm An Aanchchoviest

I don't think anchovies really exist.

Think about it.  Have you ever had an anchovy?  You know about them as pizza toppings that you pray are never on your pizza. They're a topping that only other people have on their pizzas - people with bad taste.

If you were with some people who were ordering a pizza they would ask you what you wanted on your pizza. You would likely say something like "Oh, just about anything is fine with me. Get whatever you want." If they said "Okay. How about anchovies?" You would make a disgusted face and say "Ewww! No. That's gross!" But you've never actually had anchovies.

If you ask your friends if they like anchovies, they'll make a face like they just bit into a lemon sprinkled with mace and say "No way!" But if you ask if they've had any, they'll say they haven't.

Once upon a time, I found the idea of raw fish was really repulsive. Now I love sushi. Once upon a time I found wine intolerable. Now, not so much. Tastes change. It occurred to me that I was judging anchovies without giving them a fair shot. So I started to try to order them with my pizza. But they never seemed to be on any menu! One time I did see it on a menu and I asked about it. They told me something like "Oh, we don't have those. If you want them you have to order a few days in advance." Who orders a pizza a few days in advance?

Then I forgot all about it. Until now. I found a recipe for Cesar Salad dressing. It calls for "1 can of minced anchovies (optional)". I decided to go for it. But, try as I might, I can not find any evidence at any grocery store that anchovies actually exist!  So I make the dressing without anchovies.  It's not too bad, but I'll never how bad it could be.


Andrew T said...

Some feedback from an anchovy lover:
Find another pizza place if you can't get anchovies.
Find some new friends if they look at you funny when you order anchovies.
Find a new Caesar dressing recipe if it asks for a whole can of anchovies (2 chopped fillets is probably enough).
Find another supermarket if you can't get anchovies (or go to an Italian deli). Buy a small bottle of anchovies in olive oil, and keep it in the fridge when ever you need a few fillets.

Andrew said...

Hmmmm. An anchovy lover, eh?

In fact, after I had written this blog I mentioned my newfound disbelief in anchovies to an Italian friend at work. He assured me a real Italian restaurant would have them. We then walked around Costco in Gatineau and he showed me some anchovies. So I was proven wrong.

A lot of humour is based on the ignorance of the comedian and the the ignorance of the audience. It doesn't work if most of the audience knows the answers to the comedians hypothetical questions. (ex: Krusty's routine about phone book page colours. "I was looking through the phone book. Did you know they have yellow pages? What's next? Blue pages?" Marge: "They have those. They're government listings.")

As far as grocery stores; I generally shop at Lawblaws at Gloucester Centre. It's pretty big, and they have a lot of stuff, including a huge canned-fish section. Yet no anchovies. Maybe if I went to Preston...