Monday, February 25, 2008

Unqualified Life Adviser

The other day I got on a crowded bus in Gatineau heading for Ottawa. I was standing behind this couple, and this single man reading a magazine. The single man started talking to the couple. He started giving them life advice. "You should do this with your life. You should do that with your life."

I resisted the urge to join in.

After a few stops the young lady got off the bus, leaving the boyfriend to receive more life and relationship advice from the single man.

Just about the time we were getting to Ottawa the single man revealed that he preferred living around here more than Toronto. I thought "Who wouldn't?" His reasons were different than mine. He went on to explain.

"I get bail here. I never got bail in Toronto. Give me the option of staying a cage, or letting me go with the promise that all I have to do is show up when they ask me to? I'll take that option."

It gets better.

"You know, I have 57 criminal convictions on my record."

He talked about that for a few more minutes, and continued with dispensing life advice. Then I got off the bus.

It's a good thing I did resist the urge to join in. At that point I don't think I could have resisted the urge to say to him "And what makes you think you can give life advice when you have 57 criminal convictions?"

After you've had, ohhhh, about 35 criminal convictions, I think you lose the right to give life advice. In fact, I think you lose the right to give advice of just about any kind. You shouldn't even be giving advice on that which you do a lot: crime. After 35 convictions you should have figured out 1) how not to get caught, and 2) how to get off if you did get caught.

If I did say that, I may have given him cause for criminal conviction #58.


Craig said...

Please, do enlighten me on the inspiration for todays rendering.

I need your help:

I was playing CatchPhrase with my sister and some of her friends the other day. Its like Taboo where you have to guess the word from a series of clues. Anyway...

THey couldn't guess my word based on the description I have them. Can you figure it out?

Clue: "a domicile on agricultural property"

Answer: " "

Craig said...

ah shoot. I cant figure out this commenting thing.

The rendering I was commenting upon was the crocodile and snake eating the man lying down.

Surely there must be a story behind it.